“You Complete Me” (And Other Bullshit)

Yep. I said it. Well, nuke bombs away.

No one is going to complete you. No one. And before all the angst-filled cream puffs throw a spac about torching the Disney delusion, stay with me. I’m going somewhere with this.

“No offense but fuck you for using me to make you happy. . .”

I’d bet my lowest testicle that whoever started the above post’s journey across all social media platforms was also doing exactly that.

No one can complete you. Furthermore, if you assign that particular responsibility to another human being, you will turn that relationship toxic faster than a baby seal in an Exxon Mobil inflatable pool. Some would call it “dopamine love,” accurately termed because of the sheer release of endorphins that occurs when you fall for someone. It might last a week. It might last a few months. But eventually, that excited, passionate, gooey new love progresses into the normal, mundane, everyday love, where you have to decide whether or not you want to commit to making a long term relationship work beyond Enchanted Fairy Kingdom and great sex.

I have this theory that growing up in an environment completely drowning in love stories, gag-me Instagram posts, and the obtrusive Great American Dream results in entire populations deliriously looking for someone to settle down with, as fast as humanly possible, preferably followed closely by at least three annoyingly unusual gender reveal parties. You only have to spend thirty minutes on any social media outlet to prove my point. Watch the dopamine love posts abound like catching Molly Patron Morphine raindrops on your tongue during a proverbial downpour.

“I wish I could be a better me for you.” -Pinterest (How about let’s start with being a better me for me.)
“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” -Twitter (Cue subconscious resentments.)
“Be with someone who feels like something is missing when you don’t talk to them.” -Facebook (And PSA: That’s a guaranteed Stage 4 Clinger in progress.)

I’m back. Sorry I had to grab an emergency puke bucket. That last post was rough.

Anyway, look. I’m not arguing against people in relationships or marriage. I’m arguing against a culture that is raising generations to be terrified of being alone; a culture that is pushing an agenda that reeks of codepence; a culture that ostracizes any woman over the age of 23 who is still single and (*GASP!*) may not want to bear children; a culture that discourages personal growth and development, and instead, promotes finding someone who will “love you despite your flaws,” and vice versa. It’s an epidemic of colossal proportions: Shitloads of incomplete people, seeking other incomplete people, and attempting to make a complete person.

So maybe you FEEL a sense of completion in a person’s presence, but remember the phenomenon of dopamine love. Are you using another person as your drug of choice? I reiterate that anytime you make your sense of self, or your happiness, another person’s responsibility, codepence will happen. No matter who you pick to carry that burden, failure is imminent.

Where there is love, there are no demands; there are no expectations; there is no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy.

“Awareness” by Anthony De Mello

Live your life on your own damn terms, and challenge any societal norm that incites unhappy unions. Not all “love” is good “love.” And it’s OK to love yourself first. Because if you don’t know how to love yourself, you absolutely aren’t prepared to love someone else. Explore. Adventure. Seek ways to grow and to learn and to be your highest self. If you do this, and you’re meant to be with someone, I promise you’ll attract the right person. And if not, fuck it. Stay solo and free, my spirited friend. It damn sure beats settling on two broken people trying to make a whole person.

Yet the purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.

“Conversations With God” by Neal Donald Walsh


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2 thoughts on ““You Complete Me” (And Other Bullshit)

  1. Love this post. I enjoy being single and I have no doubt that eventually I’ll find another human equally capable of being an entire person and not “the compliment that I require”. Well said Tripp.

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