Because somewhere in the distant past, I sold myself on the belief that there's not a tragedy in this life that will make me give in. You have to decide that sort of thing BEFORE tragedy strikes.
We human beings will go to great lengths to avoid making powerful decisions out of fear of the aftermath, even if what's on the other side has the potential to be absolutely liberating.
If it SHOULD HAVE occurred a different way, it WOULD HAVE. Just because the end result isn't what we planned doesn't nullify the whole experience or make it any less meaningful.